Figures
by jetchick
Summary: A drunken night changes Steph's life. Babe fic mostly but Cupcake friendly. First fanfic ever! M for language and content. Will give better summary later...
1. Chapter 1

All characters and such belong to Janet Evanovich****

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I was slowly waking up…at least I hoped that I was waking. I saw a blinding white light and everything was shiny and glowing, maybe I died and was in heaven. My tongue involuntarily flopped out of my dry mouth as a moan vibrated to my lips. I licked the corner of my mouth, hmmm Boston cream doughnut. Yum. Maybe I was heaven.

I opened my eyes a little more and suddenly realized that I was still on earth, in my crappy little living room in my crappy little apartment in the crappy little building with all the tiny wrinkled old people and the beautiful view of the parking lot.

Oh man did I have hangover.

Rex's hamster wheel was quietly squeaking on the kitchen counter. It sounded like Rex was going for a record. I however found the tiny squeak of the spinning tin to be as annoying as someone clanging two pots together.

"Rex…." I muttered.

More spinning.

"Rex." I said a little louder and rolled over on the couch.

More spinning. Double time.

I picked up my discarded sock and balled it up. I then launched it over the side of the couch like a grenade and it landed on top of Rex's cage. Rex stopped dead on the wheel. His whisker's twitching at the UFO.

I sighed into the silence and pulled a couch pillow over my head. Maybe twenty minutes later, my bladder pulled me from a deep sleep. Man, I had to pee. I jerked off the couch and stood up. I was fully clothed in jeans and tee and zipper hoodie. I had one sock on, one sock off. I trotted to the bathroom.

After I finished, I stripped out of all my clothes until I was down to my white push-up bra and matching cheekies. I looked in the mirror. Holy mother of God! My hair was a snarled mess and….and…what was that? Great, more unidentifiable crap was in my hair. I looked down at my arm where I had acquired a scrap and a bruise. It wasn't too surprising for me to have souvenir of my day on my body, but I couldn't remember for the life of me of how I got it.

"What the hell happened last night?" I asked myself.

The hangover told me that I had obviously been drinking, but….? I wracked my brain. Shit, I couldn't remember!

I opened the bathroom door and a scream got trapped between my throat and some potential post-binging vomit.

"Babe." Ranger smiled at me, his eyes dipped down my mostly naked body but then went back up to my hair.

I swallowed and a closed my eyes. Why me? Why me?

"Have fun last night?" he asked, leaning back into the chair by my bed. He was in full Ranger mode, including an extra gun I rarely ever see him carry strapped to his thigh.

Huh? Did I spend the night with Ranger….I woke up fully clothed and alone. Hmmm…I guess we can still hang out without getting groiny, but still….what happened last night?

"I don't know. Did I?" I asked, crossing my arms across my chest, suddenly embarrassed by my lack of clothing.

Ranger gave another small smile and rose from the chair. He had his hands in the pockets of his cargos as he walked slowly towards me. I saw my old Metallica t-shirt lying on the dresser. I reached for it, only to have Ranger grip my wrist possessively. The shirt dropped to the floor and I stood stunned.

"Looks like you have a mashed M&M in your hair." He said quietly, his eyes examining my tangled mane.

"Oh, that's what that is." I noted…jeez I'm a walking disaster. Unwilling to let Ranger see me embarrassed I brushed off the M&M thing and attempted to pick up my tee again.

This time Ranger's grip tightened on my wrist and his other hand went to my hip as he straightened me up and shoved me against the wall. I didn't have any time to really comprehend what was going on before his thigh was pushed between my legs and felt an explosion pulse through me. Instant orgasm. Holy mother of God.

He slightly loosened his grip against on my wrist as his hand slid down mine and our fingers entwined. He then held our hands against the wall by my head and his dark eyes seemed to pin my soul against the wall as well. His look stayed steady on my face for a long moment, I felt like I could have another explosion any second now.

Did I miss something here? What the fuck happened last night? Wasn't I still with Morelli?

"Don't scare me again." Ranger said in a low, deep voice. His hot breath swept against my neck.

"Ok." I answered dumbly. I scared Batman? WTF!!!!!

He then kissed me lightly sending sparks to my toes. He released his grasp and removed his thigh from between my legs. If I hadn't been leaning against the wall, I'd be a puddle on the floor.

"I'll call Tank and have him deliver a new car." Ranger told her, walking towards the bedroom door.

My car blew up. That didn't surprise me at all. I start a lot of my days that way.

"Thank you."

He paused in the doorway. He then turned to face me again, took a few strides towards me, and in instant his tongue was invading my mouth. His hands caressed my back before he grabbed a handful of my bare butt. I moaned into his mouth and pushed my breasts against his hard chest. I felt the hard length of his through his cargos.

Oh, another instant orgasm.

He pulled away suddenly, his lips slightly swollen from his force. His breath was hard and his nose flared slightly. There was a hint of emotion in there, which was a lot for Ranger. He let me go and stepped out of my room.

Then he was gone.

My insides were still burning as I heard the door close and the lock click. My skin still burned from where Ranger had touched me. Get a grip, I told myself. I looked around the room mischievously and bit my bottom lip. I closed my eyes and felt all my special parts tingle as Bulgari still lingered in my room. My fingers came to the lace of my cheekies….naughty, naughty Stephanie.

"Girl, open this mother up! I'm gonna kick your little white ass!" Lula's voice was carried through my front door and into my room.

I had myself panting at this point , but all warm and fuzzy feelings and any chance of me giving my morning a happy ending vanished when I heard Lula's voice. I sighed and picked up my Metallica tee and a pair of sweats and pulled them on.

Lula was ruthlessly pounding on my door; the hinges were creaking and threatening to splinter out of the wall. "I'm gonna take my Stiletto off and hack at this door all day long if I have to. Oh wait, I have my gun in my bag….hang on!"

"Christ Lula, what is wrong?" I asked yanking the door open and met the eyes of one crazed woman. "Lula?" I asked in disbelief.

Lula, yes the one that was a former ho, was wearing a cream colored pant suit with a lavender silk blouse underneath. A long string of pearls hung from her neck and complimented the matching earrings in her ears. Her hair was what I assumed her natural hair to be, a nice rich dark brown. Her makeup was natural and she had black leather sandals on her feet.

"I thought you were going to kill my door with Stiletto's?" I asked, my face still staring in disbelief.

"They're in my bag. Just because I gave up hookin' don't mean I leave the house without some sexy ass shoes." She said, shoving me inside and closing the door.

"Did you go to church or something?" I asked, trying to figure out how the girl that always had her big, voluptuous ass hanging out of a mini skirt was suddenly looking like the preachers wife.

"No." she pouted.

"You look so lovely." I said. My eyes never blinking as Lula paced my living room back and forth.

"Why, why did you let me do it?" Lula yelled and turned to me, poking her super long fake nail into my chest. "You have a mashed M&M in your hair."

"I know." I muttered. "What did I let you do?"

"Shit, you don't remember?" Lula asked, her eyes wide and crazed. "Shit, I can smell the tequila from here. You got shit-faced again didn't you?"

"I guess….Lula, will you please just tell me what's going on!" I yelled and plopped down on my couch.

"Me and my beau Lou that's what's going on! Me, Lou, you and Morelli drove down to Atlantic city yesterday." Lula shouted, swinging her big hips around.

"Okay." I said, trying to remember some shred of something.

"The Chapel! You don't even remember getting married!?" Lula yelled and tossed her sandal off. "You gotta beer?" She asked, trotting to my kitchen and pulled out one of Morelli's Corona's.

I slumped into the couch cushion. All air expelled out of my lungs. I saw dots in front of my eyes. "Married?"

"Well, no. You walked out on poor Morelli. You left him standing there like a total ass." Lula said and tossed back half of the Corona in two big gulps. She made the "Ahhh" sound of gratification and looked back at me. "I didn't come to my senses until this morning."

"Huh?" I asked. I almost married Morelli? I left Morelli at the alter?

"We were looking all over for you. The bell boy at the hotel said he saw you leave with a bottle of tequila and a box of doughnuts. Those were for a convention that was being held there, they charged those to Morelli's credit card by the way." Lula told her. "He also said you left with black Big Foot in an SUV."

"HUH?!"

"Damn it Steph, Tank came back for me but it was too late. Too late! I already had the ring on my finger!" Lula said and she started to cry. I could barely believe what I was hearing and what I was seeing.

I rushed over to Lula and wrapped my arms around her. "It's going to be ok."

"No." Lula groaned. "I married Lou. Tank will probably never talk to me again." She cleared the tears from her face. "I'll be right back."

Lula locked herself in the bedroom and left me standing in the kitchen dumbstruck. Lula married Lou, the man she met three weeks ago at Pino's. I left Morelli at the alter. I got drunk, hijacked some doughnuts, and hitched a ride with heartbroken Tank.

"Don't scare me again." Ranger's words echoed through my head. Did my car blowing up scare him or the near marriage to Morelli scare him? Well since I go through cars like you wouldn't believe, I had to naturally assume that me saying "I do" to Morelli had scared him.

"I ain't gonna let him change me!" Lula yelled and swung open the door.

Holy leopard print spandex, Batman. Lula came out in her usual outfit. Cleavage busting out, booty busting out…pretty much everything was busting out. "He wants me dressing like a lady…honey, Lula is a lady!"

I nodded.

"I got to figure this shit out. I'll see you at work…later. Much later." Lula said and left my apartment.

I took a few moments to let everything soak in. I glanced over at Rex and found that he had nibbled big chunks of my sock off and was using the pieces as bedding in his soup can. Nice.


	2. Chapter 2

All characters and such belong to Janet Evanovich; anything copied is truly unintentional.

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I dragged myself to the shower and pulled my clothes off. I dove into the hot steamy water and attacked the mashed M&M in my hair. After my third scrub of my shampoo, a chunk of my memory made a long-awaited return.

"_Atlantic City, look out for Lula!" Lula yelled across Vinnie's office. _

_Connie and I looked up from our magazines. _

"_Lou wants to go to Atlantic City!" she shouted out, jumping up and down. Her "girls" threatened to pop out of her yellow top. _

"_Aw, Lou and Lula in Atlantic City…" Connie hummed, smiling down at her nails and attacked them again with a nail file. _

"_You're coming, right?" she asked us seriously. _

_Connie and I looked at each other. _

"_This sounds like a romantic getaway sort of thing." I said. _

"_So we'll make it a couple's weekend? Connie?" Lula asked. _

"_Sorry, I have a Brazilian wax scheduled. I've been working myself up to it for months. I can't back out now." Connie told us, attacking her thumb nail vigorously. _

"_Brazilian! That's god damn barbaric." Lula snorted. _

_We all pondered the idea. We all shuddered involuntarily. _

_We were quiet for a few minutes. I glanced at my watch every few seconds and flipped through my magazine randomly. A few minutes later, the bell on the door rang quietly as someone entered the bonds office. Morelli came in slowly, wearing yesterday's clothes and last weeks beard. His eyes were red rimmed and his posture was slouched. As hunky as Morelli was…he looked like hell. _

"_Hi." I smiled at him, standing up from my chair and slinging my purse over my shoulder._

"_Sorry I'm late." He answered tiredly and a forced smile came to his lips. _

"_I'll see you guys after lunch." I told Lula and Connie. Morelli held the door open for me and I applied a grateful and understanding kiss to his cheek as I walked out of Vinnie's. His forced smile turned to a small, real smile. We walked to his truck in silence and he opened the passenger door for me. I stepped up into the seat and leaned out to give him another grateful kiss on the cheek for his politeness. He turned his head slightly and caught my mouth, giving me a light kiss. It was quick and innocent but Morelli could turn anything quick and innocent into gloriously sinful. _

"_Thanks Cupcake." Morelli said softly and closed the door. _

_Halfway to Pino's I was getting restless from all the silence. I glanced over at Morelli. His eyes were hard and set on the road, but his face told me that he was thinking about everything but driving. Morelli had recently gone back to the Homicide unit and was working non-stop on a murder of a five year old girl. The news shook the Burg like an atomic bomb. I had seen Morelli maybe twenty minutes in the span of a week. He'd stop by the apartment and see me and Bob the dog (who I was temporarily taking care of) and then he'd be gone again. Today, he promised me lunch. I promised him no questions. _

_But I'm Stephanie Plum, the nosiest Bounty Hunter in Jersey. _

"_Joe-"I started. _

"_Steph…please." He sighed, shaking his head. _

"_How did you know what I was going to say?" I defended. I hated when he did that. _

_Morelli looked over at me, he had a look of slight annoyance. "Ok, what were you going to say?"_

"_I was going to tell you that I miss you." I told him reaching over the counsel for his hand. _

"_Well, you moved out of my house, remember?" He said dryly. _

_I snapped my hand back and kept my lips zipped after that remark. No matter what the argument, Morelli always had that in his arsenal to throw back in my face. I should have seen it coming but I had mistakenly thought that we were having a tender moment and he'd want my support. And yes….I always found Morelli's place to be more like a hotel than a home. It's a place I loved to stay and relax, but it just….wasn't mine. And Morelli never went out of his way to make it feel that way, so I fled from captivity quite often._

_Don't get me wrong, living with Morelli definitely had its perks. But over the last couple of years I've been growing as a person. I had cooking utensils, I had managed to keep Rex alive, and I had a closet full of designer shoes that I put on my maxed out Macy's card, (okay, so I was still working on my financial responsibility). Once a hapless lingerie buyer and divorcee, I've evolved into a hapless bounty hunter that had good instincts and an astounding way of cheating death. Dare I say it…I've become self-sufficient. _

_When we pulled into Pino's parking lot I heard Morelli sigh again. "Steph…I'm sorry."_

_I nodded. I understood his stress and his frustration that was crushing him. I also knew he meant what he said; he just didn't mean to say it out loud. And I realized a long time ago that I wasn't the world's greatest girlfriend. Sometimes I pondered what Joe and Ranger saw in me. I shoved all that to the back of my mind and gave Morelli a swift kiss and jumped out of his truck. _

_We both ordered spaghetti and ate with minimal conversation. Joe was sitting right next to me, but he felt a million miles away. While I was waiting from my chocolate cheesecake (drool) to arrive, I told Joe about Lula's getaway with the guy she barely knew. _

"_She wanted to make it a couple's weekend."_

_Joe gave me a half eye roll as he drained the rest of his coke from the straw. "Lula in Atlantic City? Somebody should give them a heads up."_

_A few minutes later my cheesecake arrived and I contemplated on whether or not to share. Eh…he can order his own. _

"_Did they make the reservations already?" Joe asked almost absent mindedly, staring out the front window. _

"_I dunno." I told him between bites of high calorie goodness. _

_Morelli's gaze was transfixed on the window. He was looking at the parking lot. Looking at 'nothing' in the parking. He seemed so out of it. "What the hell…let's go with them." He said suddenly. _

_My fork stopped mid way in my mouth. "Huh?" I mumbled over the piece of cake hovering over my tongue. _

"_Let's go." Morelli smiled, a gleam of excitement sparkling in his brown eyes._

"_You want to go away with Lula and Lou?" I asked, still in disbelief._

_Morelli entwined his fingers with mine. "They're going to pull me off this case if I don't take a break." He said quietly. "I think a weekend away would be good for everyone."_

_Honestly, I didn't want o venture out of town with Lula and Lou. Trouble finds me just fine, I have no need to go looking for it. But if it could make him happy…why not?_

"_Ok, I'll let Lula know." I said and finished the last of my cheesecake._

_Morelli smiled and gave my hand a squeeze. His eyes dropped down to my empty plate. "You couldn't share?" he asked with a smirk. _

"_There's a piece of crust." I informed him and nudged a crumb with my fork. _

_His grin widened and he leaned into me. He brushed his lips against mine and his tongue licked the corner of my mouth. Hmm…must have had some chocolate there._

"_I'm off the rest of the day. I'll pack a bag for us and see if my mom will watch Bob". He told me, sliding out from the booth. _

_I nodded. A weekend getaway….how unfamiliar. _

_I got back to Vinnie's and found Lula and Connie exactly where I had left them. Though Connie seemed to have changed her mind on her purple nail polish and was completing a set of lime colored nails. Lula was still at her desk working on some cheese doodles. _

"_Ok Lula, Joe and I will go with you." I forced myself to say. _

_Lula's eyebrows rose momentarily. She wiped some orange dust on her top and giggled. Without saying anything to me, she picked up the phone and dialed Lou to tell him the good news. I sighed and plopped down in a chair. _

"_Anything yet?"I asked Connie with a sigh. _

"_Nope. Seems like Trenton is behaving." Connie said, focusing on her nail like a surgeon focusing on a nicked artery. _

"_I need something." I told her bluntly. Not only was I going out of my mind, but my rent was due in a week. I wanted to make sure I had enough for rent and my car insurance that for some odd reason kept going up and up….doh. _

"_I have the Peters one, it's only a $500 bond. You'd make $50." Connie sighed. _

_I looked a Lula who was making kissing noises into the phone. I looked back at Connie and realized I was starting to get dizzy from all the polish fumes. "I'll take it."_

_These days I was driving a green Ford Taurus. It was older, but it was nice and so far I've only managed to get a few dings on it. No major fires or explosions of any kind. Score one for the Taurus. _

_I pulled the file of one Brodie Peters. Arrested for assault; broke a bottle over his friends head. Nice. Boys will be boys I guess. I found his address after circling the area a few times. All the numbers along the houses had been ripped off, burned off, and shot off so I had to guesstimate a bit. When I did finally find his house, I saw an older woman, maybe in her sixties, sitting on the stoop. _

"_I bet you're here for Brodie." She said as I walked up to her. A cigarette hung out of her mouth and bobbed up and down as she talked. Then she had a good 30 second coughing fit. _

_I stood patiently waiting for her to hack up a lung. "Is he here? I'm with bond enforcement, he needs to reschedule his court date." I told her. _

"_Brodie!" she hollered into the screen door. Hack, hack, hack._

"_What?!" A shout from inside the house. _

"_You missed your court date!" Hack, hack!_

"_I did?" another shout. _

"_Get your ass out here!" Hack! Spit. Hack. _

_Brodie came trudging to the door and swung the screen open. Brodie was about six foot, 230lbs and with a nice round beer gut, which I got a full view of since he decided not to put on a shirt. He had a half bottle of Captain Morgan in his hand and a pissed off look on his face._

"_Tough shit, I'm not going to jail." He told me, words were slurred. _

_Great. Another drunk. _

"_It won't take much time at all. We go get rescheduled and you'll get bonded out again."_

"_Nope." He said simply and started back into the house. _

"_Hang on a minute." I said and reached for my handcuffs in my back pocket. "I have to take you in."_

_I went up the stairs after him. The old woman grabbed me around the ankle and bit down on my calf. "What the fu-!" I shouted and kicked at the old woman. _

"_Ha, nice one mom." Brodie laughed. _

"_Get off of me!" I shouted. I back handed her across the face and she let go of my leg. I ran up the last two steps and lunged at Brodie. _

_Brodie leapt out of reach and ran down the stairs towards the street. I chased him through his yard and gained on him quickly. "This isn't a big deal, dammit." I told him through gritted teeth. Fifty bucks…this isn't worth it!_

_Brodie then chucked the bottle at my windshield, covering it in rum. I chased him around my car a few times and then changed direction. Brodie ran right into me. We both hit the ground. I pulled out my pepper spray and got him in the ear. He batted my hand away. I got a little pepper spray in my face. My eyes started to tear and my throat stung. I then jabbed the spray in his face and gave him a triple dose at close range. He started waling and tearing at his eyes while calling me every name in the book. _

_I rolled him over and cuffed him. I pushed myself to the curb and took a few seconds to catch my breath. The skin under my nose burned like hell. Sigh….Some days I really didn't like my job. _

_Hack! Hack! Spit. _

_I turned around and saw Brodie's mom standing on the curb. She smiled and gave a phlegm filled laugh. Then she chucked her cigarette at my rum covered car. _

_Aww, dammit!_

_A slight whoosh sound was heard and my car lit up like a BBQ grill. _

_The fire department drenched my car, made a few comments about not seeing my in a while, and left. The police took Mrs. Peters into custody, made a few comments about not seeing me in a while and left. When everyone had cleared the street, a dark figure had caught my eye. _

_That dark figure was Ranger. He was leaning against his black SUV in full combat mode. He looked at my baked car and shook his head slightly. Then I got the infamous wolf grin. _

"_It's not my fault." I told him as he approached me. _

"_I know." He sighed and looked over at Brodie who was passed out in the grass. "Nice work." He said and looked back at me. _

_He was standing maybe six inches from me now, arms crossed over his chest, his eyes hidden by sunglasses. All I could see was the reflection of myself. Lets see, I had grass in my hair, snot running from my nose and my eyes were puffy. I groaned at the sight. Shit. _

"_You alright?" he asked, picking some grass out of my hair. _

_I batted his hand away. "Do I look alright? I'm so sick of this shit." I growled. I walked over to Brodie and kicked him in the rib. "Wake up Asshole!" I screamed at him. _

_Brodie groaned and I lifted him up by the crook of his arm. I then shoved him towards Ranger. _

_Ranger gave me an odd look but didn't say anything. He escorted Brodie back to the SUV and shackled him in the back. I opened the front passenger door, tossed my handbag on the floor and started to climb in. Ranger wrapped his index finger into the belt loop of my jeans and pulled me out of the car and closed the door. _

"_All kidding aside, are you alright?" he asked, his tone softened. _

"_Yes." I told him and noticed his hand was still at my hip. "I liked that car."_

"_The color didn't suit you. We'll get you a nice black one." He smiled. _

_I shook my head."I'm thinking this whole car thing just isn't for me."_

_Ranger smiled and his hand stroked my cheek. "I think you're right."_

_His hand on my cheek was soft and warm. I was tired and upset; all I wanted to do was curl up in Ranger. No, no, no. Bad Stephanie, I mentally scolded. "Shall we?" I asked and glanced over at Brodie. He was passed out against the window, mouth open, nose pressed up like a pig, drool dribbling out. _

_Ranger made a small look of disgust at him. "Yes we shall." He said and his hand fell away from my face. _

_I was relieved and disappointed at the same time. I climbed up into the SUV and we pulled away, leaving my charred Taurus in front of the Peters' house. They can have it towed; I'm not bothering with it._

_The drive was silent, except for Brodie's sporadic snoring and hacking. Aww, like mother like son. We dropped Brodie off at the station, I got my body receipt, and we headed for Vinnie's. When we walked into the office, Connie was reading a trashy novel and Lula was in chair, head back, snoring away. _

_I was getting my ass kicked by a mother and son and this is what I come back to? I slammed my bag on the desk. Lula sat up straight. "Whodat? Whodare?" she asked loudly, obviously startled. _

"_I want my fifty now." I told Connie through gritted teeth. _

_Connie gulped and pulled out the cash box. She handed my two twenty's and a ten. I looked at it and scuffed. Then my Taurus flashed through my head. My lip started to quiver. Don't cry, don't cry! I told myself. _

"_You look like you really need this vacation now. Aren't you glad you changed your mind?" Lula told me and picked some cheese doodles out of her cleavage. _

"_Vacation?" Ranger asked. _

"_Atlantic City, baby." Lula told him. "Me and Lou, Stephanie and Joe."_

_Ranger nodded and crossed his arms firmly over his chest. "Sounds nice."_

"_Oh, it's gonna be. Massages, gambling, shows, indoor pools…"Lula exclaimed. _

_Ranger nodded again and looked at Connie. "Anything for me?"_

_Connie pulled out two folders and handed them over. _

"_Wait, what the hell is that? You told me that you didn't have anything?" I screeched at Connie._

"_These are high risk, these are Ranger's." Connie told me._

_I knew that. I knew Ranger got all the dangerous, high-priced ones. But since I usually got hurt on my "soft" cases, I didn't see why I should be kept out of the "probably dangerous" ones. _

"_I want one of those." I told Ranger and held out my hand._

_Ranger gave me a small grin. "Nope." He told me and walked out of the door. _

_I stood dumbstruck for a moment. Then I chased after him._

"_Nope?" I said loudly. _

_Ranger looked back at me. The son of a bitch was laughing. _

"_Give me one of those now." I told him in my best threatening voice._

_Ranger shook his head and continued to walk to his SUV. _

"_I mean it." I said following him. I caught up to him before he got to the drivers side door and snatched a file from under his arm. _

_He grabbed my arm, swung me around, and shoved me up against the car. He pried the folder from my fingers and tossed them on the seat through the open window. "Sorry Babe, those are mine." He told me with a firm tone and a cold look on his face. _

"_Fine, Neanderthal man." I told him sternly and shoved off the car._

_He pushed me back, crashed his lips on mine and kissed me fiercely. The heat burned, his tongue was harsh, and his fingers grazed the back of my neck as he pushed his lips more firmly against mine. He dug his fingers into my neck and into the small of my back possessively. I pressed my hip into him and he growled against my lips. Before I could scold myself for being so brazen, Ranger had pulled away and was breathing heavily. _

"_Enjoy your vacation with "him"." He said in an eerily low tone, his words dripping with revulsion. _

_Then he was gone._

_Dang it. _

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	3. Chapter 3

(All characters and such belong to Janet Evanovich. I also thought I'd mention that I've only read to Twelve Sharp. I can't bring myself to read the others yet. I never want them to end! I'm sure nothing completely dramatic has changed…but ya know.)

I turned the shower off and wrapped myself in a warm, fluffy towel. It was actually a replica of the towel Ranger had in his bathroom. After staying at the luxurious Bat Cave, I couldn't go back to shabby, Target brand towels.

My memory was coming back, slowly, but coming back none the less. I gave myself a mental head slap when I remembered Ranger had kissed me outside the office. How could I forget!? Especially since the kiss was nothing like I had ever experienced before. It hurt. The heat burned, his tongue was unforgiving, and his grip was harsh. But it turned me on like triple chocolate birthday cake. No, it turned me on even more than triple chocolate birthday cake. Amazing.

I sighed to myself. I left my long time lover at the alter and I was thinking about another man. I was a dreadful person. I curled up in the towel and laid down on my bed.

"_Damn I love all the shiny lights!" Lula exclaimed as we walked into the Tropicana: Atlantic City Hotel and Casino. "Is that the buffet? You bet Lula be hitting that after that drive." _

"_Anything for you." Lou grinned at her and they kissed for the millionth friggin' time. _

_Lou was a head shorter than Lula and with Lula in Stiletto's, he came up to her boobs, which I'm sure is how the attraction originated. He was from the Dominican Republic and he had a charming accent. He wore flashy clothes and shoes that cost more than my last three cars. He wasn't exactly rich but he owned a club on Olden Ave and most people thought he had stacks of money. Rumor was stronger then truth in the Burg. Another interesting thing about him was that he seemed to be head over heels in love with Lula. _

_They met at Pino's three weeks ago. She had shoved him out of line to pick up a carry out. They started to argue and ended up in the back of Lula's Firebird. The details on how that transpired are still confusing to me, but who am I to question fate? _

"_We'll meet you guys back down here for dinner in a half hour." Lula said and pulled Lou through the casino. _

_Morelli and I went to our room and got settled in. We had suite next to Lula which included an extra large king sized bed, a his and her bathroom complete with Jacuzzi tub, a sofa, chairs, a table, a grand piano, and a spectacular view. Okay, there wasn't a grand piano in there, but there could have been. _

"_We're gonna have fun here." Morelli summed up and caught me around the waist. He playfully wrestled me and we toppled into bed. He laid on his back and pulled me on top of him. He then nuzzled my neck for a few long moments. "Oh Ms. Plum, you smell good." He exhaled into me and kissed my earlobe. _

_Good, I thought to myself. I got the grass + mace + charred car + Bulgari scent off of me. I decided not to tell Morelli about Peter's and his demonic mother…and I didn't see the need in telling him about Ranger and me in front of Vinnie's. Okay, I'm a candidate for the worst girlfriend of the year award. _

"_So it's Friday night in Atlantic City, what do you want to do?" I asked. _

"_You." He grinned and rolled over, pinning me underneath his weight. _

_I giggled and pushed on his chest. "I mean after dinner with Lula and Lou." _

_I started to roll away from him, but he snagged my bra strap through my shirt and yanked me back. _

"_Joe, I have to get ready."_

"_We have plenty of time." He smirked and pulled my shirt off. _

_I rolled my eyes. Joe needed sex like people needed oxygen. If he wasn't so good at it, I'd say he had an addiction. Morelli got both of us undressed in record time. We tangled ourselves in the nice, expensive sheets and he then started to perform this magic trick he does to my neck that absolutely makes me drool. A few minutes of this and I was putty. _

_I felt him against my thigh, primed and ready. I reached on the nightstand and picked up the condom I had placed there while we were tossing clothes around the room. I tore the wrapper open and suddenly my neck orgasm stopped. Joe looked up and shook his head slightly. "I don't want that." He told me and went back to my neck. _

"_Huh?" I asked dumbfounded. _

_Morelli kept his mouth on my neck while he snatched the condom out of my hand and tossed it on the floor. _

"_Joe?" I asked, too shocked to say anything else. _

_He then thrust into me without any warning. _

"_What are you doing?" I asked in a surprised whisper._

_Morelli ignored me and covered my mouth with his and kissed me ravenously. He then started to thrust faster. At this point, I was getting nervous. Okay, I was scared. Very scared. I wasn't ready. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. _

"_Joe, stop." I said when I could finally pull away from the death grip his lips had me in. _

"_I want you to have my baby." He said gently in my ear. _

_For the first time….maybe ever….I was speechless. _

_I could feel him getting closer to climaxing. I could hear the Final Jeopardy tune playing in my head. _

_**Doo do do do, do do do…..**_

_Morelli's breath was getting ragged. _

_**Doo do do do, doooo do do do do**_

_He whispered my name and his muscles started to twitch. _

_**Doo do do do, do ta-do ta-do do do….bom bom**__._

_Joe bit down on my shoulder._

_**Alex Tribek told me to put my pen down. "Stephanie, what was your answer?" He asked. **_

"_No! No, no, no!" I shouted at Alex. Then at Joe. I shoved Joe as hard as I could, he landed flat on his back. _

_Joe grunted. I couldn't tell if he was mad or if he was just in shock. He just laid there catching his breath. We both laid there silently for what seemed like an eternity. _

"_Joe?" I asked softly, pulling the sheet over myself. _

_He ignored me and rolled off the bed. He walked into the bathroom, slammed the door and turned the lock. _

_I groaned and flopped back on my pillow. Some romantic getaway…._

I gave myself a real head slap this time. Then another one for good measure. What was I thinking? More importantly, what had Morelli been thinking?

I needed more info. I needed all the pieces to the puzzle. I wished I had questioned Lula more but it seemed like she didn't quite have a grip on her world either. The only person who would know would be Morelli and I wasn't ready to face him yet.

I was contemplating doing a handstand in hopes that maybe that would jog my memory when there was a firm knock on the door. I opened it and found a blank stare masking Tank's face.

"Hey, Tank." I said quietly.

Tank held out a set of keys, dropped them in me hand, and turned to walk away.

"Just one thing…" I said while pulling on Tank's Rangeman shirt and dragged him in my apartment.

Tank crossed his arms and gave me an eyebrow raise.

"What happened?" I asked him seriously.

"Ranger told me to drop your car off. It's the black Jeep Wrangler." He said dully.

"Ooh neat." I said thinking about my new wheels. Then I went back to the seriousness of the situation. "No, I mean…Atlantic City…Lula?"

"You were there." He told me with a grunt and headed towards the door.

"Wait! I don't remember. Lula came running in here, crying that she made a mistake and that you came for her…but-" my voice fell silent as something was happening to Tank's face.

It was showing some emotion. Call the press, dial 911!

"Look. Ranger needs me back at the office." Tank sighed.

"But-"

Tank cut me off with a mean glare. "I was in Atlantic City on business. I was driving and saw the four of you headed to The Chapel and got curious. I waited around a bit and then saw you running out of the Chapel like your ass was on fire. You saw me, jumped in the truck, and told me to drive."

I took all that in and the dissected it. He just happened to know where we were and just happened to see us walking in the Chapel and just happened to be there waiting in the parking lot.

"Were you spying on Lula?" I asked him.

Tank gave me another mean glare.

"Ok, forget that for a minute. What about the Chapel and Morelli?"

"I have to go." Tank said sternly. "You figure this out. I don't want any part of it."

"But what about Lula?" I asked sadly, watching him opening my front door.

"I wish her the best." He said in a gentle tone and he shut the door.

_Morelli took a shower, brushed his teeth, and then finally exited the bathroom. He went to the closet and pulled out his clothes for dinner. I was still on the bed, trying to figure what the hell just happened. _

"_Joe." I said again._

_Morelli looked at me in the mirror but didn't say anything. _

_I sighed and slipped out of bed and wrapped the sheet around myself. "Joe. I'm sorry." _

_Joe pulled on his Jockey's and stayed silent. _

"_You can't just spring that on me." I defended, raising my voice a little. "You can't spring that on anyone. That's a serious decision to make all by yourself. It's sorta one of those things you have a discussion about." I told him, feeling my blood pressure rise. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. _

_More silence. _

_Instead of screaming at him, I took a different approach. "Joe…I know this case is getting hard for you. I can't imagine what it must have been like to see that little girl. I know it haunts you. I also know that your paternal instincts are growing and our parents are practically planning our wedding as we speak. But we have a lot of steps to take before we bring a baby into this world." I told him softly. At the last part I slid my arms around his waist and kissed his toned back softly. _

_Morelli hung his head and touched my hands softly. "I'm sorry Cupcake. I guess I'm not thinking too clearly." _

_I nodded and let go of him. "I'm going to jump in the shower real quick." I said tossing the sheet on the bed. _

_As I walked towards the bathroom, Morelli gave me a light smack on the butt. Joe was back. _

_I got in the shower, my mind still edgy of baby thing. Was I being selfish? A year ago, I would have leapt through rings of fire and dodged man-eating tigers carrying bazookas to have Morelli's baby. Now, the offer didn't appeal to me as much as it once did. _

_Lula and Lou were waiting for us at the hotel restaurant. We were running about fifteen minutes late. Lula gave me a grin. "We just got here too." She told us. "Where's that waiter, I'm hungry."_

_Dinner with Lula and Lou was a sight. Lou was in a tailored three-piece suit with a nice silk shirt. Lula was in bright purple mini dress with a halter like top. _

"_You want my jacket?" Lou asked, looking around at the other people. "It's cold in here."_

"_Nope." Lula said trying to wave down a waiter. _

"_Baby, people are leering at you." Lou told her softly. _

"_I know." Lula said with a smile. "Jealous people. They want what Lula has!" Lula said proudly, giving herself a boob-check._

"_Baby, I want to be the only one that sees that. Take my jacket." Lou tried to convince her. He was obviously uneasy by all the skin Lula was showing off. _

_Lula shrugged him off and grabbed a waiter by his pant leg. "Lobster. Lobster now." Lula said sharply. There was something in her eye that made him gulp and nod vigorously. Then he sped away to the kitchen._

"_Ok. Now we're talking." Lula grinned. "How are y'all doing?"_

_Joe and I gave a small "smile and nod", and mumbled something about how spacious our room was. We made small talk through dinner, Lula taking the time to slowly, and with extreme detail, explain the young relationship her and Lou shared. I lost my appetite after the "handcuff/butter incident". Lou was caught turning several shades of red on numerous occasions. Morelli didn't seem to have a comment on anything. _

_We ordered dessert and Lula was still on Week #2 of Lou Fest. Morelli excused himself from table. We finished our fancy French cake and Morelli was still gone. I bit my lip thinking about what he was up to. I expected to go back to the room and find all of his stuff gone. _

"_I'll be right back." _

_I trekked through the lobby, keeping my eyes open for Morelli. I scanned the crowds and waves of tourists. From the corner of my eye, I found Morelli sauntering away from the bar. _

"_We were waiting." I told him when he reached me. I tried to keep my tone even. _

"_I'm sorry." He said and kissed me with whiskey breath. "I needed a drink after the "handcuff/butter incident."_

_I cringed as I thought about it again. Yikes. _

_I sighed. "Let's call it a night." I said tiredly. _

"_What?" He asked encircling my waist. "The night has just begun, my dear." He kissed my neck. "I'm sorry I was such a jerk earlier. I got a present for you though."_

"_Gimme." I told him with a grin and held out my hands. _

_He kissed me and rested his forehead on mine. "Not yet."_

_I gave a pouting lip. _

_Morelli nipped at it. "Let's get the love birds and hit a club."_

Ah, the "handcuff/butter incident". I could have been happy with forgetting that forever. Ugh. I got up from bed and slipped into some jeans and tee shirt. I went into the kitchen and tried to find something to eat.

I was out of peanut butter. Shit!

I settled with a grilled cheese sandwich. I was too lazy too actually make it the right way so it put the bread in the toaster, I then put on the cheese and nuked it in the microwave so the cheese would melt. When I went to eat it, I found that the bread was rock hard and the cheese had burned. Shit!

I made another attempt. As I was slicing the cheese, I heard a slight scratch at the door. I paused for a moment and then went back to my cheese. I heard another scratch. Another pause. Then my door crashed open.

Three men rushed inside. All were wearing ski masks and all were carrying very large guns.

I froze, cheese slicer in hand.

The four of us looked confused. It didn't seem like any of us knew exactly what was going on.

"Is that her?" The tallest one asked.

"Her hair is different." The fatter of the three noted.

"Her hair is wet you dumbass!" The average one growled.

"What color are her eyes, I can't see with this thing on." The tall one asked.

"It's her, ya fucking moron." The average one groaned. "Would you tackle her already?"

The fatter one came at me. I chucked the cheese slicer. Missed! I chucked my burnt sandwich. Whack! Right between the eyes! He went down like a ton of bricks.

The taller one lunged at me and I ducked away. The cookie jar! I always keep my gun in the cookie jar! I ran towards the counter, but the taller one grabbed me by my tee. I kept running, my slippery feet sliding on the floor. I was pretty much running in place. I looked ridiculous. I reached for the jar with all my might. My tee shirt finally ripped and I flew into the counter. I grabbed the cookie jar but Average guy was trying to pull my arms behind my back. I dropped the cookie jar and it crashed to the floor. My gun landed on my foot.

"Son of a-" I shouted. I flipped my head back as hard as I could and nailed Average guy in the nose. Blood spattered all over my kitchen "-bitch!"

Tall guy stood there kind of shocked. Without Average Guy and Fatty, Tall Guy couldn't have a thought of his own. I could see him questioning himself.

"I'm not her!" I shouted.

"This isn't Stephanie Plum's place?" He asked.

"Ah, no. No! But what do you want her for…if you don't mind me asking?" I played it cool.

"See…I told them. I told them! Plum drives a green Taurus. The car wasn't in the parking lot. I told them!" Tall Guy groaned.

While I was thinking of my options, my phone rang and the answering machine picked up.

"Stephanie? This is your mother. Are you there?" my mother's voice filled the kitchen.

I rolled my eyes. "God damn it." I sighed.

Tall guy lunged at me. I ducked and swiped my gun from the floor. I fired one into his foot. Tall Guy shouted and hopped around my kitchen. I grabbed the car keys and I fled out the front door.


End file.
